"If you could describe this past year in one word, what would it be?"
This was a question asked at church recently.
Answers slowly came out.
"Hard."
"Challenging."
"New."
"Surviving."
Some definitely clicked with me more than others, but I wasn't brave enough to voice my own. Partly cause I couldn't think of my word. Or maybe I bet I was searching for a more glorious word than what really came to my mind. But honesty is good, right?
I think I'd say my personal word would be "Hard.". And honestly speaking here, I mean HARD. You know how whenever someone says something like that, they turn around and say, "But! It's also been the most rewarding year, the most fulfilling year, etc., etc."? Well, I can't say that, I don't think. It's just been hard. That doesn't mean I haven't learned to love certain things about L.A. or haven't made some really precious friends, but I think I figured out the bottom line. What Dustin and I are involved in here is church planting/building, a.k.a. trying to build relationships with any and everyone around us. Relationships take time. They're not something you can push or rush. Which is why my year may have been hard (starting with new people, new area, new everything) and not necessarily "fulfilling" (waiting for friendships to be built).
I think I'd like to go further into forming that question.
"If you could describe this past year in one word, what would it be? AND if you could describe what you learned about God this past year, what would it be?".
My answers would be "So hard and so faithful.".
In the moment, I don't think I would've seen His faithfulness necessarily. But looking back, I know it's there! In everyday things like having a husband who is sensitive to me & takes care of me, a church who has welcomed us with open arms, friends who have broken up the long, lonely weeks with little get togethers, hosting so many people, being able to go home for visits, getting to know neighbors, in feeling God's comfort some hard, hard days, etc.
So no, I'm not meaning for this to be a morbid post. :) I just want to review my year and give God glory for His faithfulness that is always there, even if we can't feel it all the time.
I actually really battled with just being here, with so much homesickness, probably till about November. I'm still not sure what changed me, or brought peace to this struggle. There are a few things that I think may have contributed to it somehow.
--We were back in NY the end of October-beginning of November to attend Michael (Ev) Stoltzfus' funeral. He was a family friend, a classmate, a great guy. He died from ARDS, a lung disease that prevents enough oxygen from getting into the lungs and blood. It's a long story of how he got sick and the many ups and downs he had throughout what seemed to be recovery. See, that's just it. I wasn't expecting him to die. He was MY AGE. I'm so, so glad we could be back for the funeral, even just to process this. Somedays, I still sit and try to process it. You can't imagine how hard it is to process something like this so far from home. I'm not surrounded by things or places that make me think of him. I'm not surrounded by his family and people from home who have been hurting so badly over this death. It's been hard and so weird to try to process something like this.
The legacy Michael left was loving well. That's a fast description of his life, but he really was so well at making people feel welcomed and important. And I know his life has really impacted and changed people, which is so God! So God being so redemptive.
--Another thing that may have just brought peace to me was being home for a week after that funeral. It was so good to be surrounded by familiar things and people and FAMILY. You'd think that that would've just made it more difficult for me when I got back, but it didn't.
--Also, right after we got back from that trip, some of the Destination InterNational board members were out here to check up on us and see how we were doing individually, as a team, etc. That was so good. We are so blessed with a mission over us that cares for and supports us so well.
So I don't know if it was one or all of those things that brought peace to me. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe that means that it was just God. Just purely God.
His faithfulness & peace truly are beautiful, amen?! :)
